You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
