Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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