It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
