new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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