i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
