Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Text me some of your sweat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
