Your dad touched me again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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