I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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