I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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