i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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