I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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