Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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