The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
