If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
