i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
