opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
