There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
