Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
