We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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