Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
