You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
