Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
