I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
