herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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