bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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