My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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