When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
