I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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