Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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