why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
