What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
