She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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