I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
