The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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