I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
