My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
