I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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