Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I will be naked everywhere
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
