McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
