I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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