Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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