I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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