drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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