if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
