Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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