so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
