This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
