I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
