Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
