Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
