So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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