From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
