Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
