She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
