we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
