Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
