so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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