You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
