how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
