Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
