I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
