I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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