so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
