the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
