i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
