2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
