I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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