I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
