I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
