with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
