took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
