he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
