i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize