Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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