mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
