How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
