What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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