my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
