2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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