i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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