i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
